I have spent many years studying “Non-Violent Communication”, a system of communication developed by Marshall Rosenburg.
This communication model teaches people to speak to each other in language that does not destroy their relationships by avoiding blaming, shaming, and criticism, etc. They learn how to replace these defensive responses with deeper and more meaningful connections based on honesty and empathy.
As you learn to understand and accept your own feelings and needs at a deeper level, you will find it possible to approach conflict in a way that de-escalates anger and defensiveness in the other person. And you will develop more compassion for yourself in the process!
I can teach the model to you or just embody it so you get a sense of how it works. I find that having a little background lesson helps a lot coupled with actually utilizing the framework to address your own relational questions.